One of the key factors that leads to infidelity – particularly of a serial nature, as is alleged to have been the case with Tiger Woods – is a form of detachment. Physical pleasure becomes isolated from the emotional self making its satisfaction virtually a biological pursuit. This is the case, to some degree or another, in almost everyone. In fact, we are hard wired in this way. Our DNA is programmed, above all else, to replicate and so this drives us towards reproducing – ideally with multiple partners – from a biological perspective.
Over the millions of years of our evolution, however, we have learned increasingly to integrate our emotional side with our physical pleasure circuits. There is a world of difference between the tenderness of a genuine partner and that of a stranger. Even from the earliest years of childhood we learn to appreciate the gentle touch of a loved one.
In cases of serial infidelity, though, this integration is lost to some degree. As a result, emotional need and sexual need become almost separate. The easy satisfaction of the sexual appetite then starts to become a form of stress relief – a quick high – like taking alcohol or a fix of chocolate or a drug. This leads to a viscous cycle in which the activity that relieves stress then fuels more stress, through guilt etc., which leads, in turn, to more indulgence leading to more guilt and so on.
What is needed to break this cycle is an alternative way to deal with stress and a means to integrate the disparate aspects of the self more closely. Meditation is an excellent route to achieving both these things. Sitting quietly and just being with yourself is a powerful route to tap into the stressors within the body and the very act of feeling them in silence helps dissipate them and even channel them into a source of energy. Also, by becoming more familiar with yourself over time – the various, often contradictory, aspects of your inner world – you start to feel the bigger picture above and beyond your normal horizons and that’s when a feeling of wholeness starts to return.
So certainly, for infidelity, or any other major stress inducing (or fueled) issue in life, meditation can be of tremendous benefit. It’s certainly a good idea for Tiger Woods and I’d recommend it to anyone else too – unfaithful or not.
Dr Russell Razzaque is a medical doctor and psychiatrist based in London. If you liked this article then you’ll likely benefit from Sileotherapy; a FREE stillness based online self help program in which Dr Razzaque teaches people to go beyond thought and realise their true potential: [http://www.meditation-therapy.net].
